June 24th, 2004
|11:21 pm - empty souls...|
im so fake. i hate to admit.. as i sit here alone with this empty glass that was once filled with coke. im not the person you think i am. empty glasses lost feelings... misplaced thoughts. its not the same anymore. ive grown old of this place. nothing to look forward to just retirement.... remember like we always used to talk about. i dont even know who i am anymore or why i act the way i do... i just do. i sit here alone... with nothing to feel..yet why does everything hurt so much. ive bled my heart out.. no more to bleed. ive cried every tear that i could... ive given myself every bathroom sugery that i could now im down to this...
with nothing to fear....
i take this bottle of asprin.....
* i hope that you know that im not like anyone else... i dont follow others thoughts or actions*
Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: music to die to...
June 22nd, 2004
|10:26 pm - bathroom surgeries.....|
I love that line. great ... ALkaline Trio!!!!
these cuts run deep and these scars are permenent....
"watch me choke on everything we did"
I LOVE ALKALINE Trio so much!!!!!!!! oh my god... i would die to them. i want to take my boom box to the beach drink some red wine and listen to alkaline trio. that would be awesome!!!!
these days im very lost. no motivation to do anything. blah. i dunno nothing to look forward to i guess. i dunno. havent really felt like anything. im numb inside.
*sun was up for much too long today... been awake for far to long today*
anybody want to leave me comments?? alright i think this will be my last post....
* i cant see straight, but the two of you look awfully pretty*
you can find me on myspace.com user....onebrknhrt7
Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: cooking wine.. alkaline trio
June 15th, 2004
|10:48 pm - isnt it nice....|
isnt it nice when you know that theres someone that loves you. thats the feeling that i get right now. i know that theres someone out there that cares about me. isnt it nice when you've found that person that you know is rite and your gonna spend the rest of your life with them. when you realize that you want to wake up every morning next to them and you want them to be the last person that you kiss goodnite to. you know that everythings going to be okie just cuz their in your life.. ever feel that way? with that person, you could spend a whole afternoon with, not say a word and feel like you just had the best conversation ever. you want to share everything with them. i dunno its just this feeling that i have with this guy..... hes everything to me.. i dunno how it got to be that way. ever since i met him.. there was something different. even though we are so different... he likes sports.. i live for fashion... he doesnt care about fashion... i love emo.. he loves rock. he likes silver... i love red. hes tall im short. he's my total opposite but you know what... we have the best relationship overall. when we fight.. i know that hes upset but he still loves me and we're going to get through it. i love him so much! i just hope that he knows how much he means to me.. ive never felt liek this about another guy.. i mean.. jesse that was 4 years! and an engagement... but it just wasnt the same.. other guys... ive liked a lot... just not the same as this guy. hes my world. i have to talk to him at nite and in the morn... and i know my days going to be okie... cuz hes there!
*red eyes on orange horizons*
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: alkaline trio
June 14th, 2004
|10:04 pm - leaving........|
well guys... i seem to have no friends on here and no one leaves me comments to i think im gonna stop writing here. if u guys want to get ahold of me im located on myspace.com same screen name.. onebrknhrt7.
bye....ill see u in hell
Current Mood: sad
June 13th, 2004
|11:38 pm - leaving on a jet plane...|
your leaving on a jetplace... to that far away place... the memories have faded.. with one last breath that i had for you. i hope that you have fun for what was there is now gone.
*think of me kindly*
Current Mood: indifferent
Current Music: me without you
|09:14 pm - these hospital walls are the palest of white...|
"appricate the good times, but dont take the worst for granted"
havent updated in a few days... new job is ok... but i want to start my own store... i dont want to work for anyone else. blah. its alright. i dunno.
ive been thinking about cutting my hair. i dunno a cute little hairstyle. i dunno what else to do to be pretty. im gonna go workout tommorow... i wanna take some pics as well. some cool dorky ones.
so.. PHOTOGRAPHERS WANTED....inquire within. haha i mean comment.
blah blah blah blah... thats how i feel right now
i dunno alkaline trio lyrics.. god i love them!!!! im in such an emo mood. i wish that i could show you all the emotions that im feeling right now.
........ i need to go out.. blah. i need to go to coffee houses and art shows.. and fashion shows... and the beach. i duno
too many thoughts in my head right now!!!
unloved... leave me comments....
if u do... ill show you my bathroom surgeries
June 8th, 2004
|05:26 pm - no more!|
so i thought today was going to be a relaxing day... not even.. first i decided to do bills... oh boy.. that didnt go over too well... anyone want to pitch in to the get me the hell out of debt fund. haha anyways.. so after that... that got me totally depressed... went out tried to clean my car... got half way thru it and gave up. then moved a filling cabinet up to my room. as i almost fell down the stairs. lol . *sheesh* my head hurts. ouchy. now im just getting very nervous about my first day at pacsun tommorow. (i hope all goes well) i hope everyone's nice to me..im just really frustrated with everything right now. my head hurts soo much all i want to do i go to sleep and just sleep forever.. all i dream about is being in your arms.. comming home to you... being a family... being safe with you.. never would i have thought that i would have met such an awesome person that would impact me soo much. all i think about is you. all i dream about is to be wtih you... arg.. its just a dream though. then i wake up and here i am.. all alone lying in my bed surounded by the thoughts of you...
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: the sounds of the outside world
|12:53 am - a thousand million thoughts....|
there are so many thoughts running thru my head at the moment.. i dont know where to begin. im feeling a little empty inside right now. i just went to see that mandy moore movie called Saved. was really good. im feeling a little discontent with myself. i feel lost.. i feel that i need to think higher of myself or my life's just going to pass me by. im confused on what i want in life...or for that fact right now. i dunno. i just dunno! i should be happy. i shouldnt take things for granted. but i just dont seem to listen..
... i dunnno...just lost...and confused... too much thinking perhaps.. alright going to bed ..
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: the sound of the emptiness of these four walls
June 6th, 2004
|08:56 pm - ouchy.....|
*sadness* i offically am no longer part of the tillys family. its a little depressing....but ill always have "paradise hotel" anyways... i had a pretty good weekend... spent it with loved ones! went to color me mine... that place rocks! i need to become more creative though.lol anyways.... im alitte worried about starting my new job on wed. wish me luck guys! im so tired of working for other people... i really want to start my own business... well i want to be a partner wtih someone.. like someone could design and i could manage the business. i dunno. i can dream cant i? haha like thats ever going to happen. anyways... just thought id do a little update. well leave me comments folks!